There’s Another Path to Peace

Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

- Maya Angelou

Sometimes forgiving someone is too hard. In those instances, there’s another way forward.

Forgiveness is key to our wellbeing. It allows us to release past pain and in its place, receive peace. It’s there that we create new space for happiness and good-feeling emotions to come in. 

That’s why it can be more about us than the other person. 

It’s easy to get hung-up in the process, though. Because when we think of what we want to forgive, we reactivate the memory and all the feelings that go with it. Making it hard to forgive and hard to forget. 

And so there we are again. Back to feeling all the hurt like a stuck record. 

But there’s another path to peace. It’s through appreciation. Looking within the other person for the good and focusing there.

Appreciation reframes forgiveness. It allows you to clear the clutter of negativity by giving attention to what’s to love. Everyone has something good. Sometimes it’s buried. But what you look for, you will find. 

Last weekend life tossed me a chance to practice appreciation, in all its forms. 

Growing up my family always celebrated holidays BIG time. Christmas, birthdays, May Day, you name it. It was one of my mom’s favorite ways of showing her love and affection. My husband Dave was raised largely unaware of holiday celebrations. They just weren’t a big deal. 

So on Valentine’s Day, I shouldn’t have expected Dave to have something in hand or in mind. It’s not his thing. But I did, and he didn’t.

I’d like to say I got over it quickly but that wouldn’t be true. I kept dwelling on the lack of acknowledgment. And everytime I did, I got pissed all over again. 

The good news is, I saw what was happening. Life has a way of presenting you with the same lesson in different forms until you get it right. So I knew this wasn’t about Dave. It was about me, and what was going on inside.

I needed to give appreciation, in order to receive it. 

First, I started with Dave. It was easy to appreciate the many ways he’s incredibly generous all the other days of the year. The sweet things he says and does. The love and goodness in him. 

Then I turned my attention to me. To the infinite love that lives within my heartspace. The spiritual presence that holds me in constant love and adoration. My inner self. My soul. 

And I thought about how all true power for happiness resides there, within me. No matter what anyone else says or does or doesn’t do. My inner self always holds me in absolute appreciation. 

I sat with that for a while. It was healing and empowering. 

So I decided to show myself that same sort of love. Because despite all the work I’ve done, there must have been some unworthiness – some not-good-enoughness feelings – still hanging around. 

Self-love is so all-important. We need to love ourselves, in order for love to find us. I gave myself some grace and compassion and waived the imaginary worthy-wand over my head. 

I took a longer hot shower. Slathered on good smelling lotions and oils. Put on extra thick and fluffy socks and a pretty, going-out sweater. Played soothing music. Read a book basking in a sunbeam. All with the intent of loving myself, in this moment. 

Appreciation is an easy alternative to forgiveness. It allows you to move forward to find happiness and peace without having to go back and dredge up old hurt and emotions. You see what’s good while releasing the past so it no longer has power over you and you can be free to focus on the perfect present moment. Where all your power is. 

Today I clearly see the lessons. I’m grateful for them and for Dave, playing his part so that I could practice appreciation. 

I ended-up feeling pretty darn happy that day. And really, there’s no better gift than that.