There’s More to Us

How a Shel Silverstein Poem Highlights the Importance of Moving Beyond Labels and Judgement

I asked the zebra

Are you black with white stripes?

Or white with black stripes?

And the zebra asked me,

Or are you good with bad habits?

Or are you bad with good habits?

Are you noisy with quiet times?

Or are you quiet with noisy times?

Are you happy with sad days?

Or are you sad with some happy days?

Are you neat with sloppy ways?

Or are you sloppy with some neat ways?

And on and on and on and on

And on and on he went.

I’ll never ask a zebra

About stripes

Again.

“Zebra Question” by Shel Silverstein

There’s more to a zebra than stripes! And there’s more to us than meets the eye as well.

Both of my daughters had the same amazing first grade teacher Mrs. Grant. Mrs. Grant would have all of her students memorize Shel Sylverstein’s “Zebra Question”. I’ve remembered it often over the years. It has a special message for me: Be careful when judging. 

The other day I was chatting with my youngest daughter Elice. She shared her day and about a personality test she and her team members had taken at work. The kind that gives each person a special “type.” The benefit is to help people understand themselves and each other better.

One thing I love about Elice is that she is fair and considers both sides of any situation. And she was concerned about this exercise in particular. She appreciated its insights, but also didn’t want the results used in a way where others would pre-judge her, put her in a box, or pigeon-hole. 

From certain perspectives, labels can be useful. They help us understand and experience life, without having to use a multitude of words to describe. They aid in communication. In understanding. 

But they can also be messy and limiting on many levels as pointed out in this Forbes article, “Why it’s time to stop labeling ourselves and those around us”. 

Our journey is about becoming — taking what life gives us, deciding what we don’t want, knowing what we do want and moving in that direction. We long for the freedom to walk this path unencumbered by others limiting opinions of us, which often manifests in the form of labels.

This same freedom we seek, we must generously give to others as well. It’s only fair. 

I’m sure I sensed some of this decades ago as a first-time newlywed. My given name is “Lean (pronounced Lee-Ann) Jacobson” and I had just taken my (first) husband’s last name, “Brunnette.” I’d been enjoying using my new last name, it represented a big life shift I was proud of. Then one day I stopped to get gas and paid with a newly printed check displaying my new full name in the corner. The male cashier took a quick look at it and said, “Well isn’t that what every man wants. A lean brunette.” 

… Crap. My life plan was anything but to be a “lean brunette.” I could think of a thousand other labels I’d prefer. I imagined the jokes. The side comments. The expectations and assumptions.

It didn’t take me long to add another “n” to my name and become “Leann.” There! Problem solved. 

Unfortunately, not all labels are that easily dropped. 

The problem is that we humans can be really hard on each other. Our judgements can have harmful consequences that are not in the best interest of love and impact another’s freedom to be appreciated for who they truly are. 

Reality is what you make of it. You get what you think about. Expectations – what you think you’ll see – is what you find. In this way your expectations create your reality. 

That’s why it’s important to look for the good first. To find more to appreciate, if you want a life based on love and appreciation.

A good place to start is to see people for who they are in their wholeness. To see and accept all parts, and to focus on the good because what you give your focus to grows and becomes stronger. That way you do no harm and become an uplifter.

More and more I am interested in what’s to love and admire about people. Everyone has something. A positive aspect or two or many. I find them and then that’s what I look for and expect to see. And more often than not, that’s what comes shining through. 

I’ve since found so much more peace. Understanding. Acceptance. I love more in myself and others, and I’m more empowered to feel good about what I say and do.

We’re all here on our own paths to realizing who we’re meant to be. Pigeon holes need to be plugged. Harmful labels discarded. They’re not based in truth and do more harm than good.

Be the Zebra. Buck the labels. Embrace all your stripes.